The girl behind this blog.
Hi. I’m Agnes, a 19-year-old blogger from the Philippines. Presents would be appreciated every 20th of July. I like pizza, bacon, ice cream, chicken, yogurt, milk, and almost anything dairy. A lot of things amuse me, especially bright photos of the seas and calm sunsets. I like meeting new people and contemplating my life. I appreciate gentleness and kindness. And, I crave passionate conversations.
Keep on scrolling to know the sweet story of how I was saved by the most amazing grace there is.
I’m glad you’re still here. Thank you for reading.
When I was younger, I used to think life was meaningless. I believed in God, yes. I believed there was Someone out there superior to us, the great manufacturer of the Earth. Being emerged in the sciences during my high school days, the vast cosmos has always been such a fascinating thing for me. How can a star be that complicated? How did that get there? How did that appear? Being the rational and logical person I used to be (I’m not sure if I still am), I started to draw query after query until it dawned to the one single question that was yet to be answered then by my feeble mind: Amidst all these complexities, what am I even here for? This curiosity slept and when I stepped on the floors of the university, this curiosity was awakened, roaring to come out.
I used to live a life that was, as many coins it, ungodly. I wasn’t gentle. I was unkind to some. I used to say harsh and hateful words. Loathing my self, people, and life in general used to be my favorite hobbies. Alcohol and parties stain my Friday and weekend nights. I felt happy.
I was empty. But I knew I was happy. Or so I thought. I was just seventeen then. I was heart-broken in all aspects of my life. Even so, the vagueness of what I was feeling was salt to my wounds. I felt dead every single day. I wasn’t living. I was merely struggling to exist. It was one warm afternoon in October when I popped that question whose answer changed my whole life. “Do you think I’m worthy to be loved?” That time, I was expecting a different kind of answer, an answer that was in the context of romantic relationships, one of the things I thought mattered back then. I got something different. And it changed everything.
“Yes you are. Christ died for you. You are worthy of being loved.”
Right at that very moment, I did not feel anything. Nothing, really. But that night when I was about to sleep, I fixated my eyes above and started to think of the answer I got to my question earlier that day. Tik tok. Tik tok. The clock started to sync its beats with my heart’s. Pondering and gazing at a distance, soon, I found my self unable to doze off.
I never really noticed my self suddenly looking for answers then. It was a gradual and slow process that at first, I was a bit ashamed of going through. Not living a Christ-like life, I did not know how to start approaching and finally tackling the immense curiosity I had inside me. I remember subtly asking people about God and what I got was “Wow nagbabagong buhay ka na ba?” (Wow, are you finally changing your life?”) I was too shy to poke questions around for I knew the people around me would think it was a trivial matter. And so my silent journey to my quest for answers started.
As time passed by, I’ve come to see that I was craving for knowledge about Christ. Who is He really? I was suddenly reading articles about who God is and listening to worship music every now and then. I found my self in bookstores looking for Christian books and canvassing the prices of a Bible. At some point, I laughed at my self. “Look at you, self, a sinner counting the last of your coins just to be able to purchase God’s book,” I muttered under my breath. But that night, I went home with a paper bag containing a 497 Peso Bible and a silent joy inside my heart.
It was very unlikely of me to ask that question given the kind of live I was living, yet I still did. “Pwede ba akong sumali sa org niyo, yung Campus Crusade for Christ?” (Can I please join your organization, Campus Crusade for Christ?”) It was very apparent from the look on my friend’s face how appalled he was. I expected it. But it just took him an approximate of just 5 seconds until he gave me that bright and excited smile, a smile so genuine I can still picture it to this day. “Wow! Really? Of course!” I did not know what was the big deal, my thought then was that I was simply joining a Christian org to satiate my curiosity and questions. Little did I know, I was in for something far bigger. A shift in perspective. A 180 degree turn.
It was a hot Thursday afternoon of 2016.
I received Christ in my life.
And then my great adventure began.
Every person I have met, every little thing that has happened, they all led me to that moment. To that Thursday when I have come to fully know what it’s like to be saved by grace, what it’s like to be forgiven. And it has been one exhilarating and exciting ride since.